Woman Expects Husband to Pay for Her Tuition So She Can Spend Her Money On Shopping, He Puts His Foot Down

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Oct 2, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

Welcome, tea-lovin' ladies. I'm sure none of us are a stranger to the idea of budgeting. In order to be a responsible human and succeed at the whole adulting thing, it is imperative to set aside money for all monthly expenses. The most important things that money must go towards are our needs: rent, groceries, heating, water, and gas. Then, if you are on a plan to pay off loans, money must go to that, as well as to insurance and education. After all of these things are accounted for, you can start budgeting money for more 'fun,' yet unnecessary things - streaming subscriptions, nights out, take-out, and shopping sprees. 

The idea here is that the 'fun money' is the money that is leftover after you pay for the important things first. However, in our story today, a grown woman who was not acquainted with the idea of budgeting seemed to think that her 'fun money' was just the money she wanted to spend on new clothes and snacks, regardless of whether or not she had her necessary expenses paid for yet. This ended in her husband, who she expected to pay for her tuition while she wasted her paychecks on frivolous items, confronting her. Scroll down to read details of the full confrontation below.

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  • 01
    020 r/AmltheAs u/ImpressiveAd273 • 2d AITAH for not paying my wife's tuition when she's blown thousands on clothes
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  • 02
    My wife enrolled in an online college degree program and hasn't paid her tuition. She's a stay at home mom and drives Uber a few nights a weeks to make extra cash. Before we had kids she was workign part time and we split bills 50/50. I told her I'd pay for food and housing after the kids came. In the years since then I've asked her to help out with costs because we are house poor and money keeps getting tighter. She spends most of what she makes on clothes and accessories, and calls it her fun
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  • 03
    In the last week she has spent $400 on her credit card on dresses, and wants me to pay her tuition. I create budgets every so often but she never uses the tools and apps we have for them.
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  • 04
    I told her she should drop out this semester and save up until the next round of classes starts up. She's been excited to start learning in classes again and started to tear up. I then said she could make a list of things she is willing to sacrifice to pay for the tuition, like her brand new iPhone, or her new purses, and if she sold them and got second hand items to replace them, she could pay the tuition with her own funds.
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  • 05
    She left the room at this and hasn't spoken since. AITAH? 4,375 ☐ 359
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  • 06
    paul_rudds_drag_race. 1d Aficionado [14] INFO NTA based on the additional information provided If you pay for food and housing, does that mean she pays for utilities, non-grocery expenses like toiletries, personal expenses like clothing, and child- related expenses? Or is that split? Does the budget include any funds for her personal use? Did she have input on the budget plan?
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  • 07
    I've asked her to help out with costs because we are house poor and money keeps getting tighter. If your role was being the primary breadwinner and her role was being the SAHP, does this mean that you've taken on more childcare responsibilities so she can go out and earn money? Are you watching the children while she's out working? How old are the children? I ask that because once they get to school age, a SAHP might not really be needed anymore. ... Reply 2.8k
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  • 08
    Impressive Ad273 OP. 1d No I basically pay for everything now including gas, utilities, her makeup and whatever. I do. watch the kids while she is out working, or at the gym. Kids aren't in school yet. ← Д 3k д
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  • 09
    Organic_Start_420 • 1d Partassipant [2] NTA she doesn't have 'fun' money until she pays for her school (if she wants study). 14.2k
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  • 10
    BoredofBin⚫ 1d Partassipant [3] Tell her to use her "fun money" for her tuition. It's only "fun money" when you actually have some leftovers after saving money for essentials. ... 744
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  • 11
    Open Chemistry_1302. 1d NTA. Since my wife and I have been together she has decided that she needed a new car and took money from our home savings and bought it without mentioning it to me, bought two horses (adjustment fees) and stopped working. She now spends like it's an Olympic event and successfully breaks records regularly. My point here is how do you control someone who has access to your finances. She hands me the joint credit card bills and knows I can't not pay it out. Thoughts? ← 231
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  • 12
    Alex_MC_69. 1d NTA, but I do not get how 2 people with different financial mindset can marry each other. I am saving, investing and have some fun money, my wife is also on the same side. When we first met I had no clue about investing, but we both discussed financial goals, savings, spending habits and things like that. Reply 1.1k
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  • 13
    Spinnerofyarn • 1d Aficionado [13] Because you have talks with your partner and make agreements on what you'll do, and then one goes behind the other's back and spends the money. There's remorse, promises to do better and maybe that even happens for a while, but the changes never stick. I believe some couples can and do work it out, but it's usually early in the marriage. If it's ten years down the line and blowing money still happens, it's never going to change. To me, the responsible party nee
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  • 14
    Which-Marzipan5047 • 1d The issue is that people lie Either to themselves ("oh yeah, I can totally do this if I just put my mind to it!") or to others. 215
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  • 15
    orange_lighthouse • 1d If I was living with someone or married, I'd keep separate accounts and have a joint one for bills. 38
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  • 16
    Koalified Gorilla • 1d A finances professor once told the class having different financial practices is one of the biggest causes for divorce
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  • 17
    Aggressive_Cup8452. 1d Partassipant [1] Stop calling her a stay at home mom.. she's not. She's working. The idea of being a sahm is giving her the misguided illusion that whatever money she makes driving uber gets to be her "fun money". It can't be "fun money" if you're struggling. She needs to be struggling too. Otherwise nothing will change. NtA. Reply 1.1k
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  • 18
    SlowResearch2 • 1d Yes this is so important. Nowadays the internet culture has so much changed telling people that they are all deserving of luxury and nice vacations, and so on. Sometimes even calling it elitism or I've even seen eugenics, when they are met with criticism. Plain and simple: don't spend what you don't have, and don't live above your means. ← D B 8 3
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  • 19
    KarinSpaink 1d • Enthusiast [8] NTA, but your wife is. There's only 'fun' money when basic needs have been met. Reply 187
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  • 20
    Practical-Wheel-1033.1d NTA. Clothes and the newest iPhone should not be your priority over your classes when you're a grown adult with kids ... Reply 117
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  • 21
    NTA LonelyOwl68.1d Certified Proctologist [20] It's not unreasonable to ask your wife to contribute to the costs of going to school, online or IRL. If she's excited to be doing that, she should be willing to help pay for it. The silent treatment isn't effective at creating an atmosphere of cooperation. It's the king of passive- aggressiveness and communicates only an unwillingness to listen or negotiate. Don't allow her to manipulate you into paying for her tuition in this way. This is something
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  • 22
    I went to school for 6 years to finish my undergrad degree and get a doctorate; my husband supported me throughout, but until I had to dress better in the last two years because we were seeing patients in our clinics, I didn't buy much clothing at all, and no accessories of any kind. You don't spend money for frivolities when someone else is footing the bills so you can get the education you want.
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  • 23
    I can't understand why married couples don't combine their incomes into a joint account to pay household bills, since paying for necessities is more important than fun money. If all other expenses are being met. If one party is working FT and the other PT, it would make sense to use the extra for school expenses, as in this case, or fun things if that's what they decide. If you don't trust your spouse enough to share an account, why are you married in the first place? Marriage requires trust.
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  • 24
    That said, your wife should absolutely do whatever she can to help defray the costs of living for the two of you, then pay towards her tuition if she can. She should be buying textbooks and supplies, not extra purses or clothing. If she then needs help with tuition, that's reasonable if she's not otherwise spending money on unneeded fashion items.
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  • 25
    It's good to get an education, but not at the expense of anyone else, as much as possible. Her spending habits are not getting her where she wants to go and she needs to re-evaluate her priorities. ETA judgement and repair typos Reply 52
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  • 26
    SophisticatedScreams. 1d I would agree with this-- this post is why it can be a benefit to have a shared account. OP and his wife together need to create a budget for the FAMILY income and expenses. For some reason, his wife sees her uber money as hers, while OP's money is everyone's. It's a lack of shared goals, I think. What they're doing is switching childcare duties and each working to earn money while the other is looking after the kids.
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  • 27
    I knew a couple who did this. One partner worked regular 9-5 hours, and the other taught night classes. She's not a sahm-- she just takes second shift working. ... ☆ 13
    via u/SophisticatedScreams

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tuition spending marriage finance reddit story married life marriage-drama relationships couples love education boundaries reddit thread red flag Reddit healthy relationship
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